Morning Fog

Morning fog.  The period when much of what lies ahead is hazy, sometimes completely indistinguishable.  

Looking at it from your bedroom window it appears mysterious, even alluring.  Standing in it is a bit different, though.  It doesn’t seem so bad at first.  But after awhile you begin to feel trapped, not knowing which way to go or what you’re walking towards.  At times you barely feel as if you’re moving because you cannot see below yours knees.  You feel stuck in one spot, even though your feet are taking you somewhere.

Sometimes my life feels this way.  I get trapped in this type of state that is so strange it doesn’t even have a name.  It just reminds me of the fog. 

That state, where your thoughts become cloudy and fragmented.  Where you think about all the things in your life that are uncertain.  That state, where you cannot comprehend the patchiness of your circumstances and how you got to where you are. That state that you know won’t last forever, but that you never thought you’d be stuck in this long.  

Stress amplifies this state.  Periods of distinct loneliness, made apparent by the miles between family and friends, amplify this state. That feeling of freedom and independence turns to fear when you know you have no one to physically run to for comfort.

You realize you’re trapped for awhile.  

But only for awhile.  Like the fog, the state will dissipate. Your days will eventually clear and become visible. 

The hardest part is waiting out the fog. 

People Watching

Baseball games.  Malls.  City parks.  All great places to watch people.  My favorite, however, has to be the airport. 

When I say “watch people”, I do not mean creepily staring them down.  It implies casually observing the everyday happenings of others.  You’ve done it, too, so don’t try to hide it.

It’s so intriguing because we want to see if other people act the same way we do.  We want to see if they handle stress in similar ways, how they dress, and if their personalities match up with the stereotypical norm. 

In airports it’s pretty easy to pick out the first time flyers.  They fidget.  Frantically tapping their foot, they can’t keep still for the life of them.  Then there are the frequent flyers, a simple briefcase and look of annoyance on their face.  The distressed parents, all wide-eyed and yelling “NO (insert child’s name here)” as their kid climbs all over the chairs and accidentally nudges an aggravated neighbor.  The beauty queen, reapplying bright pink blush and lipstick 6 times while waiting at their gate.  And, my favorite, the comfort seekers.  Dressed in sweatpants, Uggs, and a see-through tee, they can’t pull themselves away from their cell phones. 

What a mix. 

I can’t help but think about all of the people in the world when I’m awaiting a flight at the airport.  How many people pass through here every day?  Thousands.  Each with a history and a background.  Each with their own story to tell. 

I had a conversation with a wonderful woman on a short hour and a half flight this past weekend.  The beauty of these chats is that you will, more than likely, never see that person again.  So what’s the harm in sharing personal struggles and stories that you wouldn’t normally tell?  There’s really nothing to lose, and only much to gain. 

It’s pretty incredible to think how much we might learn by simply listening to another’s life story.  It happened to me this weekend, and it only took an hour and a half. 

Spark up a conversation with the stranger sitting next to you.  You’ll be surprised at what you’ll get out of it.

The Appetite

Unique places, exceptional sights.  Delectable food, and new relationships.  The appeal, so great, becomes a riveting temptation.  Like a magnet drawn to its charm.  Then, dull monotony.  Not right away, of course, but over time. 

I love these new experiences.  I love being a part of it.  That is, until I find myself jaded.  The charm turns to displeasure after awhile.  No longer full of flavor, you’re left with a rather bland dish and little aftertaste.  Only can the appetite be cured with an entirely different menu, or change of scenery altogether.   

Will I ever satisfy my appetite?  I often ask myself this.  I jump from one thing to the next, only to become bored and lifeless.  How far will I have to go to find the next best thing?  Constantly yearning for more, one might call it selfishness.  Maybe it’s something more discreet, or maybe it’s something that can’t be put into exact words. 

Perhaps it’s a feeling, deep down.  An indefinable fear that is fed when one settles for something less than they deserve.  Or, maybe that appetite just wants to continue to be nurtured with established routine and contentment. 

Deep, Powerful Desire

Have you ever found yourself so drawn to something that it takes over your complete existence?  Hour to hour, day to day you think about it.  Thoughts can be entirely good or entirely immoral, but what about the ones that might be a combination of the two?  At one moment the very thought makes you feel overjoyed, and then the next it drags you down to the bottom of a dark lake, suffocating your every move. 

The feelings become apparent over time, but sometimes all at once.  Unexpected, yet so natural.   Is it wrong to think this way?  Right to some degree?  It must be if the feelings are so strong. 

I recently read a fantastic book that dropped the notion that humans stand in the middle of God and the Devil, holding the hands of each.  Too afraid to let go of either for fear of what they’d be missing, they cling.  I can’t say I disagree entirely. 

What is it that draws us, what attracts us to these situations of greed?  We could probably avoid it, easily.  Yet, it entices us with desires that fulfill what we considered implausible. 

We feel that it is our one and only chance, so we continue to pursue it.  It’s ok because it’s clearly a sign, no?   We justify.  We justify our feelings, our actions, because we know the pain and hurt of losing what we defend is too much to bear alone.  

Only when it starts to affect us this way do we realize our feelings sink much deeper.  We want something we don’t have.  And when we see the rewards reaped from those who do have it, we want it that much more. 

Where else could I find what they possess? 

Nowhere.  

So the thoughts, the actions, continue.  Sometimes unintentionally.  Sometimes not.

"Us" and "Them"

I had the opportunity to listen to this astounding speaker last weekend.  Seeing him approach the podium, his age made known by the wrinkles and graying hair, I thought I’d have to struggle to keep my eyes open.  I was entirely wrong. 

 It was amazing listening to this man.  There was so much passion behind his words, and you could tell he was speaking from the heart of a man where only wisdom and experience reside.  But he spoke about a concept that I know is familiar to everyone.

He talked about “Us” and “Them”.  “Those” people in that town are not like or associated with “Us”.  They dress differently and talk differently, and so they are not like us in any way.  Those people are from another state or country; they are not us. 

I know we’ve all thought this way before.  It’s a natural thought, and one that deserves attention.  I fell into this thought process not 4 weeks ago when I moved to Maryland.  I, being from Wisconsin, was not a Maryland resident.   Everyone I met was “different”; they weren’t like me. 

Yet, now that I’ve been here a month, I associate myself with Maryland.  “Hi.  I’m Sarah, and a proud resident of Maryland!  I smile when I see crab on a menu and I have a small place in my heart for the Oriole’s”.  Okay, I don’t say these things out loud, but I think them.  I feel like I am a small part, but a part nonetheless, of MD.  I now tell others that I am one of “them”.   But what changed my mindset?  Is it just because I’m now living in their state?  I guess.  When you think about it, though, the only thing that really sets me apart is my accent.  The people in MD still eat and breathe like the people in WI.  They work, go to church, and have parties just like the people in WI.  I now wonder why I separated them into different categories. 

It’s weird how we distinguish between “us” and “them”.  We don’t associate people or things with “us” until we experience them, until they are a part of our everyday lives.  3 months ago I never associated the people of MD with myself, and yet here I am now.  The same is true for the people from Oregon or India.  I don’t associate them with myself…..right now.  But that’s not to say I won’t someday. 

We get caught up in who we are with and who we are connected to.  In reality, we’re connected to everyone in some small way or another.  We may never go certain places or meet certain people, but we are connected.  Think about the situations you find yourself in.  Try to look past “them”, the judgment and preconceived notions.  

You never know when “they” could turn into “us”. 

Intimidation Factor

Meeting someone new can be a very scary thing.  “Will they like me?”  “Will I meet their expectations?”  All sorts of crazies run through our minds.  Well, maybe not.  I can only speak for myself.  But I imagine the majority of you have travelled down that path at least once or twice.

It’s different in every situation.  And with every person.  Take, for instance, these types of scenarios:

MEETING WHO?	WEIRD/ AWKWARD THOUGHTS I MIGHT HAVE
A new roommate	Will they criticize the weird things I eat?  How long before I can fart in front of them without them giving me the “you’re a freak” stare?  They’ll be so much more social than me, and I’ll be the loser watching “Big Bang Theory” on weekends.
A potential mate	Are they bored with what I’m talking about? How soon should I kiss them?  And should I kiss them, or should I let THEM make the first move? The dreadful pause during a conversation…how on earth am I going to fill it?!
An instructor/ preceptor	I’ll say something and they’ll think I’m completely unintelligent/ unqualified, and that I should head to admissions and drop the class immediately.  What if my stomach growls during the only silent 7 seconds of class? What if I ask a question and they don’t understand it, and they (with an annoyed expression) go on about something they just explained?

I feel that we suffer through that intimidation factor way more than we should allow ourselves to.  It’s especially bad when we think these things before we’ve ever even met someone.  I do it.  We all do it.  I think it’s because we often feel intimidated by the unknown. 

Take a look at the bigger picture and realize that these people, no matter their title, are all human.  They all have similar feelings.  They may or may not have had more, or different, experiences than we have.  But the point is they’ve dealt with anxiety, nervousness, anticipation, heartbreak.  I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t.    I think just having that basic understanding- knowing that you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling- makes those new, intimidating situations, like those listed above, more manageable.

I do want to say this.  Don’t let yourself NOT do something because you’re afraid you’ll feel inferior.   Don’t run away because you might have to do something you’re not comfortable with, or because it’s out of the ordinary and isn’t a part of your typical routine.  Don’t let those things stop you because, chances are, you’ll regret it. 

Take a leap of faith and go for it. Ask him out, sign up for that program, or check off that item on your bucket list.  It will change you, I can promise you that.  But it will change you for the better. 

Ah Maryland

Minnesota to Maryland.  They are only 3 states apart on an alphabetized geography list, but 6 on a US map.  Doesn’t seem like much on paper, but 20 hours in a car jam-packed with 10 months worth of crap makes me appreciate truck drivers, and backpackers. 

Perhaps many of you are renowned travelers and 20 hours in a car is next to nothing.  I used to be the girl who could barely stay awake for more than 3 ½ hours of driving, so I was more than worried.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped out of my car after 11 hours the first day.  Minimal butt numbness had occurred, and it took only 1 AMP energy drink to get me from point A to point B.

I also picked up a few tips along the way.  I won’t bore you with them all, but I’ll give you this one.  If you are driving anywhere east of Illinois and the posted speed limit is 55 mph, drive AT LEAST 70.  You’ll still be the slowest on the road, but you won’t get creamed by the line of cars behind you.

If I’ve learned anything over these past few days, I’d say it’d be this:  Do not enter situations with preconceived judgment.  I heard so many things from Midwesterners about “people from the East Coast” and how crabby, selfish, and inconsiderate they are.  That I should watch my “Minnesota Niceness” because it’ll come back to bite me.  Well, so far it hasn’t.  In fact, it’s been the complete opposite. 

A nice local man started talking to me about my travels at the first gas station I hit in Maryland.  Told me that I’d have a great time being near the ocean, and that I should stop by an auto shop to have them patch the small rust spot on my car because the salt water in the air could cause further damage.  Crabby?  Selfish?  Inconsiderate was he?  I think not.

I’ve never believed in that “A smile can brighten someone’s day” phrase as much as I do now.   Yes, people in Maryland do not smile as much as those in the Midwest, but that doesn’t mean I should smile less because I’m here.   It makes me want to smile more.  Because the look you get from people- that initial “why is she smiling at me?” look that turns to “oh, she’s really just trying to be nice” look- is entirely worth it. They are truly grateful for being acknowledged.   

I feel that Midwesterners find smiling to be common courtesy, yet when so many are given they sometimes become less meaningful.   People in Maryland may not show their pearly whites as much, but they show their appreciation for a received smile much more than those in the Midwest do.

 And I think that is a concept we all can learn from.