Deep, Powerful Desire

Have you ever found yourself so drawn to something that it takes over your complete existence?  Hour to hour, day to day you think about it.  Thoughts can be entirely good or entirely immoral, but what about the ones that might be a combination of the two?  At one moment the very thought makes you feel overjoyed, and then the next it drags you down to the bottom of a dark lake, suffocating your every move. 

The feelings become apparent over time, but sometimes all at once.  Unexpected, yet so natural.   Is it wrong to think this way?  Right to some degree?  It must be if the feelings are so strong. 

I recently read a fantastic book that dropped the notion that humans stand in the middle of God and the Devil, holding the hands of each.  Too afraid to let go of either for fear of what they’d be missing, they cling.  I can’t say I disagree entirely. 

What is it that draws us, what attracts us to these situations of greed?  We could probably avoid it, easily.  Yet, it entices us with desires that fulfill what we considered implausible. 

We feel that it is our one and only chance, so we continue to pursue it.  It’s ok because it’s clearly a sign, no?   We justify.  We justify our feelings, our actions, because we know the pain and hurt of losing what we defend is too much to bear alone.  

Only when it starts to affect us this way do we realize our feelings sink much deeper.  We want something we don’t have.  And when we see the rewards reaped from those who do have it, we want it that much more. 

Where else could I find what they possess? 

Nowhere.  

So the thoughts, the actions, continue.  Sometimes unintentionally.  Sometimes not.

"Us" and "Them"

I had the opportunity to listen to this astounding speaker last weekend.  Seeing him approach the podium, his age made known by the wrinkles and graying hair, I thought I’d have to struggle to keep my eyes open.  I was entirely wrong. 

 It was amazing listening to this man.  There was so much passion behind his words, and you could tell he was speaking from the heart of a man where only wisdom and experience reside.  But he spoke about a concept that I know is familiar to everyone.

He talked about “Us” and “Them”.  “Those” people in that town are not like or associated with “Us”.  They dress differently and talk differently, and so they are not like us in any way.  Those people are from another state or country; they are not us. 

I know we’ve all thought this way before.  It’s a natural thought, and one that deserves attention.  I fell into this thought process not 4 weeks ago when I moved to Maryland.  I, being from Wisconsin, was not a Maryland resident.   Everyone I met was “different”; they weren’t like me. 

Yet, now that I’ve been here a month, I associate myself with Maryland.  “Hi.  I’m Sarah, and a proud resident of Maryland!  I smile when I see crab on a menu and I have a small place in my heart for the Oriole’s”.  Okay, I don’t say these things out loud, but I think them.  I feel like I am a small part, but a part nonetheless, of MD.  I now tell others that I am one of “them”.   But what changed my mindset?  Is it just because I’m now living in their state?  I guess.  When you think about it, though, the only thing that really sets me apart is my accent.  The people in MD still eat and breathe like the people in WI.  They work, go to church, and have parties just like the people in WI.  I now wonder why I separated them into different categories. 

It’s weird how we distinguish between “us” and “them”.  We don’t associate people or things with “us” until we experience them, until they are a part of our everyday lives.  3 months ago I never associated the people of MD with myself, and yet here I am now.  The same is true for the people from Oregon or India.  I don’t associate them with myself…..right now.  But that’s not to say I won’t someday. 

We get caught up in who we are with and who we are connected to.  In reality, we’re connected to everyone in some small way or another.  We may never go certain places or meet certain people, but we are connected.  Think about the situations you find yourself in.  Try to look past “them”, the judgment and preconceived notions.  

You never know when “they” could turn into “us”. 

Intimidation Factor

Meeting someone new can be a very scary thing.  “Will they like me?”  “Will I meet their expectations?”  All sorts of crazies run through our minds.  Well, maybe not.  I can only speak for myself.  But I imagine the majority of you have travelled down that path at least once or twice.

It’s different in every situation.  And with every person.  Take, for instance, these types of scenarios:

MEETING WHO?	WEIRD/ AWKWARD THOUGHTS I MIGHT HAVE
A new roommate	Will they criticize the weird things I eat?  How long before I can fart in front of them without them giving me the “you’re a freak” stare?  They’ll be so much more social than me, and I’ll be the loser watching “Big Bang Theory” on weekends.
A potential mate	Are they bored with what I’m talking about? How soon should I kiss them?  And should I kiss them, or should I let THEM make the first move? The dreadful pause during a conversation…how on earth am I going to fill it?!
An instructor/ preceptor	I’ll say something and they’ll think I’m completely unintelligent/ unqualified, and that I should head to admissions and drop the class immediately.  What if my stomach growls during the only silent 7 seconds of class? What if I ask a question and they don’t understand it, and they (with an annoyed expression) go on about something they just explained?

I feel that we suffer through that intimidation factor way more than we should allow ourselves to.  It’s especially bad when we think these things before we’ve ever even met someone.  I do it.  We all do it.  I think it’s because we often feel intimidated by the unknown. 

Take a look at the bigger picture and realize that these people, no matter their title, are all human.  They all have similar feelings.  They may or may not have had more, or different, experiences than we have.  But the point is they’ve dealt with anxiety, nervousness, anticipation, heartbreak.  I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t.    I think just having that basic understanding- knowing that you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling- makes those new, intimidating situations, like those listed above, more manageable.

I do want to say this.  Don’t let yourself NOT do something because you’re afraid you’ll feel inferior.   Don’t run away because you might have to do something you’re not comfortable with, or because it’s out of the ordinary and isn’t a part of your typical routine.  Don’t let those things stop you because, chances are, you’ll regret it. 

Take a leap of faith and go for it. Ask him out, sign up for that program, or check off that item on your bucket list.  It will change you, I can promise you that.  But it will change you for the better. 

Ah Maryland

Minnesota to Maryland.  They are only 3 states apart on an alphabetized geography list, but 6 on a US map.  Doesn’t seem like much on paper, but 20 hours in a car jam-packed with 10 months worth of crap makes me appreciate truck drivers, and backpackers. 

Perhaps many of you are renowned travelers and 20 hours in a car is next to nothing.  I used to be the girl who could barely stay awake for more than 3 ½ hours of driving, so I was more than worried.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped out of my car after 11 hours the first day.  Minimal butt numbness had occurred, and it took only 1 AMP energy drink to get me from point A to point B.

I also picked up a few tips along the way.  I won’t bore you with them all, but I’ll give you this one.  If you are driving anywhere east of Illinois and the posted speed limit is 55 mph, drive AT LEAST 70.  You’ll still be the slowest on the road, but you won’t get creamed by the line of cars behind you.

If I’ve learned anything over these past few days, I’d say it’d be this:  Do not enter situations with preconceived judgment.  I heard so many things from Midwesterners about “people from the East Coast” and how crabby, selfish, and inconsiderate they are.  That I should watch my “Minnesota Niceness” because it’ll come back to bite me.  Well, so far it hasn’t.  In fact, it’s been the complete opposite. 

A nice local man started talking to me about my travels at the first gas station I hit in Maryland.  Told me that I’d have a great time being near the ocean, and that I should stop by an auto shop to have them patch the small rust spot on my car because the salt water in the air could cause further damage.  Crabby?  Selfish?  Inconsiderate was he?  I think not.

I’ve never believed in that “A smile can brighten someone’s day” phrase as much as I do now.   Yes, people in Maryland do not smile as much as those in the Midwest, but that doesn’t mean I should smile less because I’m here.   It makes me want to smile more.  Because the look you get from people- that initial “why is she smiling at me?” look that turns to “oh, she’s really just trying to be nice” look- is entirely worth it. They are truly grateful for being acknowledged.   

I feel that Midwesterners find smiling to be common courtesy, yet when so many are given they sometimes become less meaningful.   People in Maryland may not show their pearly whites as much, but they show their appreciation for a received smile much more than those in the Midwest do.

 And I think that is a concept we all can learn from. 

 

Carousels

I do realize it is the middle of August, and has been nearly a month since I last blogged.  “I’m simply too busy” is my typical excuse for my lack of posts.   While this is absolutely true, it is still a poor reason as to why I cannot sit down and write.  I do apologize, and will do my best to get back in the habit of blogging on a weekly basis.  With my dietetic internship around the corner and my big move across the country only 2 weeks away, I won’t swear my life on it.  But I will promise to try.

When I think back on this past summer, I picture myself staring at a carousel.  You know when you stand aside and watch all those creepy animals whirl past you.  Trying to catch a glimpse of them all, you inevitably miss some.  My summer wasn’t creepy by any means (aside from being proposed to by a 64 year old Vietnam vet), but it was definitely a whirlwind.  After awhile I stopped watching the carousel and just hopped on.  I stopped worrying about all the chores I had to get done, or the homework I was supposed to start.  I had so many amazing people that I wanted to learn more about- to surround myself with.  I waited too long to jump on the carousel.  I was able to see many people, but there were so many that I wish I could have seen more of.  

Talking with friends, and acquaintances alike, has continued to give me insight on the most profound meanings of life.  This summer may have been more chaotic than I am used to, but I wouldn’t trade the daily 2 hour conversations I had with friends for anything.  I stopped watching the carousel and just hopped on.  I got sick of questioning whether or not I would have time to fit in all of the chores I had to get done, or the homework I should start.  Those coffee/ drink dates meant a great deal to me, and I never imagined I would gain so much from them.  Talk of travel and music to family values and men.  I love talking with people about their insight!  It really can be fantastic.  God has GIVEN you the opportunity to gain an understanding of another’s viewpoint, and I think that is a most phenomenal gift.  You are given numerous gifts and opportunities.  Relish them.  All it takes from you is openness and a willingness to listen.   

I found myself jumping on to this “carousel” of a summer.  Spending time and talking with people and visiting new and old places on the weekends has made it fly by.  I still can’t believe it, but in a few short days I’ll be packing up and leaving wonderful people and a city that has enriched the last 3 years of my life.  It’s going to be over so fast, just like any carousel ride.  I feel like I’m being pulled off a colorful horse (or one of those crazy zebras or camels they now have), only to find myself trying to catch my balance after such a fast ride. 

Short as it may have been, I know that I can’t stay on the same ride forever.  I guess I could, but it would get old and quite boring.  My journey around life’s circus is just getting started, and I’m ready to start my search for the next best ride.  It might be calm and enjoyable, or incredibly fast and scare me shitless.  I don’t really know.  But I’m standing in line, ready to find out.          

Can I Get Your Autograph?

I’ve never been one of those girls who attends concerts on a regular basis.  One concert every year or two has been my norm.  This summer, however, has been the exception.    

Artists amaze me.  All artists.  Painters, photographers, designers.  There’s just something about singers and musicians, though, that leaves me in a state of awe.  Maybe it’s the fact that part of their talent is an innate ability they were born with.  That they sound like heaven, roasted duck, and all things wonderful wrapped together yet have had little or no formal training.  All I know is I was not blessed with such talent, so I appreciate it in others. 

The cool thing is these artists are just like you and me.  Yes, they may be famous now, but they grew up running around in mismatched outfits like you and me.  They ate the nasty chicken nuggets at school, just like us.  They’ve had similar doubts, problems, heartaches.   Which is why I don’t understand people that fret over getting their autograph. 

I just want to start off by saying that I don’t dislike people who stand in line to get someone’s autograph.  I just simply don’t understand it entirely. 

 An autograph is often used as proof that you have, in fact, “met” this famous person.   When I meet someone new I try to get to know a bit about them.  Ask them a few questions, answer theirs.  Then, if I were to see that person again someday, I’d at least have some recollection of having met them.  And I would guess they’d recognize me as well.    

I don’t feel that standing in line and answering the one question an award winning singer might ask (How do you spell your name?) is “meeting” someone.  I know they would never recognize me again, and having their autograph isn’t going to change how great their music already is.  I still got to see them in concert, and if someone doesn’t believe that I got to witness their breathtaking performance because I have no autograph to shove in their face, then I say let it be.  Let it be, and know that while their criticisms and verbal attacks are approaches they use to feel better about their life, you were actually out living yours. 

C. Jam and the Mystery Man

If you’re a country fan, I admit that Wisconsin is the place to be.   With more than 4 big time festivals, you’re bound to spot at least one of your favorite country artists, without fail, every year.   You’re also bound to spot at least 4 dozen drunken hooligans wearing cut off jean short shorts and t-shirts that say “I’m in the mood”.  And hey, you might even be lucky enough to spot the 50 year old beer-bellied man wearing nothing but a grin and basketball shorts. 

I was lucky. 

I absolutely LOVE country music, so aside from all of the shenanigans caused by loud, obnoxious girls attempting to sing all the words to songs but fade out because they realize they don’t, it was pretty amazing.  I could do without those beach balls they hit around, though. 

Usually when I think of live singers, I picture okay performances with unpleasant acoustics and slightly off key singers.  Country Jam 2012 was anything but.  Honestly, I have not heard that many fantastic performers in a row before.  Chris Young, Trace Adkins, Luke Bryan, and Jason Aldean were absolutely phenomenal.  Really.  It takes a lot for me to say that.  But never once were there pitchy notes sung.  In fact, all of them hit more notes than I imagined.  The best part of the whole weekend was when Luke Bryan sat down and played and sung Adele’s “Someone Like You”.  If a person could actually melt, I would have been on the floor. 

I did run across more than my fair share of lunatics, but I also met a very nice man.  It’s one of the things I love about Wisconsin.  You can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and you have more than a 60% chance of receiving a friendly reply.  That’s exactly how it was with him.  Maybe we hit it off so well at first because we knew we would probably never see each other again and telling our life stories seemed harmless.  Regardless, we talked about topics that I normally wouldn’t talk about with someone unless I knew them for at least 2 months.  It was great, and at the end of the night we wished each other luck and parted ways. 

Attending my first Country Jam concert was quite the experience.  Many good and interesting encounters.  For those of you who have attended one, you know what I mean.  And for those of you who haven’t, I’d say go.  If just for the experience.  

And to the Mystery Man that I met, I send you my support and hope that your situation plays itself out for the best.