Toilet Paper

Someone explain to me why universities and department stores resort to buying those excessively large, see-through rolls of toilet paper over the soft, cushiony ones.  Honestly, I would really like to know. 

Sure, it may seem cheaper, but it’s not.  For those of us that pee more than 2 teaspoons of fluid, we need adequate toilet paper to feel somewhat clean and not like a 2 year old still potty training.  I need enough so that nothing will seep through, because there is nothing worse than a urine soaked hand upon leaving a public restroom.  Really, that stuff is no better than the KimWipes we use in the biology lab to clean the microscope lenses.  Let me tell you, when I get into a stall and see that massive black, TP holding container along the wall, I know I will leave using a good fourth of it.  Make that half if I take a good shit.

We’ve all resorted to using toilet paper for the emergency Kleenex.  College students and those on a budget understand.  (Who has or wants to spend extra money to buy actual tissues?)  You’re sick and all you want is your mom and some soup, yet what do you get?  An incredibly red, scratchy nose and an appointment with the anger management therapist.   So in the end you are stuck with an ogre looking face (from the nasty TP Kleenex scrapes and the scowl you acquire from them) and a raw ass from the rough wiping.  

I do think that universities and other stores would make better names for themselves if they would buy slightly higher quality toilet paper.  We wouldn’t have to use and waste so much, and people would just be plain happier. 

So to all the businesses and universities, here is just a small word of advice from a frequent consumer.    

Buy Cottonelle.