Deep, Powerful Desire

Have you ever found yourself so drawn to something that it takes over your complete existence?  Hour to hour, day to day you think about it.  Thoughts can be entirely good or entirely immoral, but what about the ones that might be a combination of the two?  At one moment the very thought makes you feel overjoyed, and then the next it drags you down to the bottom of a dark lake, suffocating your every move. 

The feelings become apparent over time, but sometimes all at once.  Unexpected, yet so natural.   Is it wrong to think this way?  Right to some degree?  It must be if the feelings are so strong. 

I recently read a fantastic book that dropped the notion that humans stand in the middle of God and the Devil, holding the hands of each.  Too afraid to let go of either for fear of what they’d be missing, they cling.  I can’t say I disagree entirely. 

What is it that draws us, what attracts us to these situations of greed?  We could probably avoid it, easily.  Yet, it entices us with desires that fulfill what we considered implausible. 

We feel that it is our one and only chance, so we continue to pursue it.  It’s ok because it’s clearly a sign, no?   We justify.  We justify our feelings, our actions, because we know the pain and hurt of losing what we defend is too much to bear alone.  

Only when it starts to affect us this way do we realize our feelings sink much deeper.  We want something we don’t have.  And when we see the rewards reaped from those who do have it, we want it that much more. 

Where else could I find what they possess? 

Nowhere.  

So the thoughts, the actions, continue.  Sometimes unintentionally.  Sometimes not.