Looking at it from your bedroom window it appears
mysterious, even alluring. Standing in
it is a bit different, though. It doesn’t
seem so bad at first. But after awhile
you begin to feel trapped, not knowing which way to go or what you’re walking
towards. At times you barely feel as if
you’re moving because you cannot see below yours knees. You feel stuck in one spot, even though your
feet are taking you somewhere.
Sometimes my life feels this way. I get trapped in this type of state that is
so strange it doesn’t even have a name.
It just reminds me of the fog.
That state, where your thoughts become cloudy and
fragmented. Where you think about all
the things in your life that are uncertain.
That state, where you cannot comprehend the patchiness of your circumstances
and how you got to where you are. That state that you know won’t last forever,
but that you never thought you’d be stuck in this long.
Stress amplifies this state.
Periods of distinct loneliness, made apparent by the miles between
family and friends, amplify this state. That feeling of freedom and
independence turns to fear when you know you have no one to physically run to
for comfort.
You realize you’re trapped for awhile.
But only for awhile. Like
the fog, the state will dissipate. Your days will eventually clear and become visible.
The hardest part is waiting out the fog.
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